Loving Yourself & Others with Persia Lawson
Loving Yourself & Others with Persia Lawson
posted onMay 7, 2018

Persia, you are an Author, Speaker + Love Coach and “passionate about helping millennials get (+ sustain) soulful relationships in the chaos of the modern dating world”. What influenced this career?

I was a serial cheater and obsessive love addict as a result of growing up with parents who were active drug addicts until I was 16. I hit rock bottom in my mid-20s when my self-destructive behaviour led me to get sexually assaulted in a strip club I was working at, and then putting on 2 stone in 2 months.

I knew I needed help so I started reading every self-help book I could get my hands on and getting therapy. Over time, I started blogging about my transformation and trained as a life coach, which soon led to a book deal (‘The Inner Fix’).

In 2015 I met the love of my life and a year later, decided to focus my work specifically on helping women heal their love life so they could go on to attract a healthy, soulful and lasting relationship (I share this process in depth in my FREE, [limited time] 3-part love-training video series which can be accessed HERE.

I’m a huge believer that respecting yourself and your body plays an important role in respecting and loving others. I talk a lot about loving the skin you’re in through nourishing food and exercise – what are ways that you coach your clients to have a deeper connection with loving themselves?

In my work, I believe that a relationship between two people is just a heightened reflection of the relationship each partner already has with themselves – which is why it’s SO important we prioritise loving and accepting ourselves above all else.

Self-care (which I discuss in the next question) is a non-negotiable priority to help us master and improve our connection with ourselves.

Also, one of the most helpful practical tools I get my coaching clients to practice is to constantly affirm their success and wellbeing by repeating the affirmation “Everything is always working out for me.”

This reminds us that we can’t always see the bigger picture; sometimes things have to fall apart before they fall together. 

The more you affirm this throughout your day, the less stress and anxiety you’ll feel and your experience of life will start to become so much more exciting and expansive. In the words of Gabby Bernstein: “The universe has your back.”

Food can be so closely linked to ones emotions. I’ll often find with my PT clients that if their relationships feel rocky, their health regime will reflect that. Do you have any advice on how to maintain self-care and work on your emotions instead of burying them with food or material things?

The most obvious of these is to first make sure you’re prioritising all the basics – 8 hours sleep, lots of water, regular exercise, eat foods that nourish you and surround yourself with people that love and support you. 

If you’re not taking good care of yourself, every single area of your life is bound to suffer – and you’ll no doubt find yourself reaching for quick, supericial and unhealthy fixes to give yourself a boost (social media, food, booze etc).

I’m also a massive advocate of daily meditation and journalling as a way to process your emotions – you can access some free meditations on my book page theinnerfix.com – I promise that if you try meditating every day for just a week, you’ll feel significantly less anxious and much more connected to yourself and your emotions.

Judging yourself against others is an easy way to doubt yourself, and your abilities. How does judging your relationship against other relationships effect it? How can we stop the natural urge to do so?

The average person checks their phone up to 110 times A DAY, and a lot of this time is spent scrolling through carefully curated social media feeds and images. 

With the bar set so high, many of us are left feeling extremely insecure, anxious and less-than about our realities – and this can be particularly painful when it comes to our love lives.

Either we feel rubbish because we’re single and everyone on social media seems to be coupled off.

OR, we’re in a relationship, but we’re comparing it to the illusory ‘perfect’ relationships everyone else seems to be having (according to their happy holiday snaps on Instagram) – which puts a whole load of pressure on our own romantic life.

For me, it’s crucial to remind myself – constantly – that what I’m being shown is one snapshot of a relationship – not the whole picture.

Equally as important – I have to put strict boundaries around my social media use so that I’m not always at the mercy of the inevitable compare & despair syndrome. 

I put my phone on flight mode at 7pm and don’t take it off again until 9am the next morning (well, this is the goal – I probably stick to it around 60% of the time in all honestly – but when I do I find myself feeling SO much more content in myself, in my relationship – and in pretty much every other aspect of my life, too). 

I’ve been in a long distance relationship for 2 years. I’ve actually, despite some of the harder times, found a great appreciation for the independence it’s given me and the trust we’ve both developed through it. What advice do you have on trusting your partner and having an honest relationship?

One of the most helpful phrases I’ve ever come across when it comes to maintaining a healthy relationship is:

Live, and let live.

My relationship today is still based on this principle – and I will make sure it always will be. We adore each other and love spending time together, but we have our own lives – and that takes a HUGE pressure off the relationship.

If you can’t trust your boyfriend to go out with his friends and behave himself (!) then – and I know it may be hard to hear this – but you’ve got to consider whether this person and relationship is really right for you.

This is why meditation and journaling are such useful tools – because they help connect you to your intuition, so that you know whether your fears are in your head, or if your gut’s telling you that there’s genuinely something to worry about.

Also, it’s absolutely vital that you communicate with your partner. Sounds obvious, but how many times do we (particualrly as women) hold back our truth and behave passive aggressively towards our other halves, rather than just telling them what the problem is?!

People who are worth your time, your energy and your heart won’t disappear if you’re brave enough to be vulnerable with them.

Intend to always communicate with your partner in a respectful, mature and calm way, and you’ll open up space for them to do the same, too.

And a word of warning: Do NOT fall prey to the tempting habit of checking your partners phone (we’ve all been there!)

If you’re worried about something, ask them. Once you disrespect their privacy and cross their boundaries, it can be hard (but not impossible) to rebuild that trust.

And if you mess up and find yourself checking their phone anyway – TELL them; own it – don’t hide it. Because that’s already one step forwards in demonstrating to your partner that they can at least trust you to be honest when you do make a mistake!

What are signs that we need to change the relationship we have with ourselves/others? Where can we start?

Any time you find yourself behaving irrationally or self-destructively (around food, social media use, sex, booze, drugs etc) – it’s time to focus on improving your relationship with yourself.

(And let’s face it – that’s pretty much all of us on any give day to a greater or lesser extent!)

Right now, I think the most addictive and negative influence on all of us is technology.

Yes, it can be great in so many ways, but when you find yourself checking your Instagram first thing in the morning and last thing at night, it’s inevitably going to have an impact on how you feel about yourself and the experience of your day.

As mentioned above, set yourself some boundaries around your phone/ social media use – and STICK TO THEM.

I also believe that the only way to ensure we’re continuing to grow and evolve (which is the secret to happiness, according to Tony Robbins) is to prioritise learning new things.

If you want to go deeper + learn how to heal your love life so that you can attract (and sustain) a healthy, soulful, lasting romantic relationship, check out my digital love-coaching program below (people are already getting incredible results from it!)

Be fast though – enrollment closes tonight at 10pm GMT!

www.getyoursoulmate.com

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